Grasping At Straws

I am sorry for the lengthy intervals between postings here at the female survivalist. Presently I am going through one of the hardest battles of my life. The many doctors can't seem to find out what is wrong, why my body seems to have deserted me.

I have learned so much going through this painful process, among them that a person without health insurance will lose everything they have worked for, saved and scrimped their entire lives just to make it to retirement.

Medicaid or medicare, (I get them mixed up),  for adults requires total poverty. Anyone my age, having worked hard all their lives and has lived a minimalist lifestyle, is usually not poor enough to qualify. Then, insurance premiums are sky high, especially for those of us who work in the Food and Beverage industry.

Why am I writing this post now? Just a heads up to all of you without any health insurance in place. My oldest daughter has proven to be my angel, my other children as well, offering all kinds of assistance if I simply call.

Its so strange to be in this kind of situation having been healthy as a horse all my life, installing wood stoves myself, panning for gold, doing crazy bushwhacks, hiking thousands of miles alone, living out of a back pack, enjoying adventures of the wilderness kind. When I get well, I will be working in Yellowstone.

Stuff happens. No one is immune. My arsenal of pain killers, all lined up neatly, sits on the desk in my rented motel room, with a dosing chart. We learn to live one day at a time. That's a great lesson too.

OK, so the good news. We never give up hope. The body wants to be well. It wants so bad to get back to work, to play and to be of service to others. I am living in Livingston, Montana under the care of some skilled physicians. They say they will solve this, and I will be well again.

If you could send good thoughts my way, pray, whatever strings you can pull or contact God, please do so. Some have suggested I offended God in some way and hence I suffer so He can get my attention. I'm listening. I repent here and now for any offense. I don't know or understand the Powers that Be. I don't think we poor little mortals can understand the being that created universes so magnificent, yet designed the tiny amoeba.

At this point I am willing to do anything.

Praying for Survival

The story is out: three teenagers adrift at sea in the South Pacific prayed for rescue. They survived 50 days, hanging onto their aluminum boat, sipping rainwater that fell into it, eating flying fish that landed in the boat, and killing with their bare hands one silly bird that landed on it.

I don't have a problem with praying. I don't really Pray. Many folks have suffered horrible outcomes regardless of the time they spent begging their god for help.

But, if praying keeps hope alive, if praying keeps someone focused and in the moment, its a great tool.

We tend to bargain with the great spirit, as though anything we'd do in the future could convince him-her-it to change the circumstances.

Watching world events unfold, I have lost confidence in a god that takes much stock in any one individuals suffering. Seems like god is a being that likes to test us by stirring the pot to see what happens.

My friend thinks the reason we can't be sure there is reincarnation is that we'd just give up when it gets too miserable, commit suicide, and take a chance on the next life being better.

I'm not really sure how the spirits work, the gods, or supreme powers.

But I say, if praying helps you, then do it.

As any true survivalist will tell you, the most important thing is the will to live. Praying, bargaining, repenting, and forgiving may give you a larger purpose than just making it out alive for your own well being.

Its good to feel something out there is larger than ourself, and may have an interest in our future.